SOHO ROSES have sold-out….. they played to more than six people! Some out to seek and enjoy, others out of sheer depraved curiosity. And why not?

A snarlin’ Mike Monroe impersonator, a guitarist and bass player sportin’ Alice Cooperized ‘Special Forces’ hairdos, and a black glam-drummer make for prime-time freak-show viewin’!

A nervous, shaky start for the Roses’ Marquee debut, but what could have crumpled into an embarrassin’ heap got up and did a ragged dance.

Drummer Patrice pretty much organised the chaos, while guitarist Andy chugged-out riffs that probably owe more to Chuck Berry than Johnny Thunders. But so what – they’ll probably both sue anyway?

Surprise of the night was da boyz havin’ the audacity to encore with Hanoi Rocks’ ‘Motorvatin’… and gettin clean away with it! llswear the buggers were actually CONCENTRATIN!?!

This is dedicated to anyone who wants to sleep with me tonight – it’s dedicated to everyone! says vocalist Paul Blittz at one point, which as freak-show offers go is a better deal than an offer of oral sex from the bearded lady!

The Tattooed Love Boys, on another tack (as opposed to the Roses ‘tacky’), are incredibly proficient. Mike Ransome loomed imposingly on a drum-kit of Godzilla proportions, and together with CJ on guitar and Dee Zee on bass they were as solid as a jar of Marmite. Frontman Gary Miélle is an admirable performer, if you ignore the pretentious Americanisms, with a vocal-style in the ‘Bon Jovi/eat shredded wheat without the milk’ mould.

But as well as the TLBs deliver, pseudo-sleazy rockers like ‘Sweet Little Ragamuffin’ their noted enthusiasm still lacks that certain killer somethin’ that should be ticklin’ wickedly at my fancy.

That go-for-the-throat hunger that propels Wolfsbane and Tigertailz just ain’t paradin’, which leads moi to wonder if they all have cosy day jobs.

Don’t write ‘em off though, my lovelies, I just think maybe someone else should check ‘em out next time and hopefully grasp the buzz I’m missin’.


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